Bella Takes A Survey
by pleasebiteme
Summary: Bella takes a Myspace survey and gets the rest of the Cullens into taking some too... R&R!
1. Bella

**Disclaimer: Not Twilight, not Metro Station, nothinggggg.**

**I thought it'd be fun to see what Bella would say if she was taking a myspace survey. :D**

**To understand one of the answers towards the bottom, you'd have to have read chapter 64 of Pens and Sharpies,**

**But it's really not that necessary, you'll just think "Bella"'s lost her mind. XP**

**Oh, and I just realized I forgot to say this...**

**I did not come up with the questions!**

**I found this survey online, just as one would if they were taking it.**

* * *

Subj: we're one mistake from being together, so let's not ask why it's not right

* * *

**You won't be seventeen forever & we can get away with this tonight.**

what do you look like?: a plain human...

are you single or taken?: very taken. -coughmikecough-

describe your life in 5 words: i'm still a goddamn human.

have you ever been in love?: i am in a permanent state of it.

why did you break up with the last guy you went out with?: well, i fell in love and got engaged to the first guy i ever even kissed, so i've never really had an ex...

do you think of yourself as attractive?: not at all, considering i'm not...

do a lot of people like you?: according to SOMEone. but they're all lies. LIES I TELL YOU!

what grades do you get school?: pretty good ones. i'm not dartmouth material, though...

name off all your close friends: edward cullenx3, alice, emmett, angela, ben...&the rest of them either pretend to be my friend, think i'm a waste of a soul, or can't stand to be around me because my blood smells so delicious.

are you quiet & shy or loud & outgoing?: i'm rather quiet and shy...

how old are you?: older than edward.

where do you live?: forks, washington.

do you mentally you beat yourself up over small things?: i really do. especially if it's not my fault. those are my favorite.

are you 2-faced?: not unless you put edward and jacob in front of me.

name 10 things you can't live without (people dont count): ...i can't. i think i've proved my point enough that it's a person i can't live without.

do you go out with a lot of people?: just one.

how often are you at home?: frequently, really...

what do you like to do on weekends?: prepare for battle.

what is your clothing style?: plain...alice is trying to spice me up a little and make me wear things that "actually flatter me".

do people judge you a lot?: unfortunately, yes.

do you like your life?: i do now that new moon is finally over. --phew--

what is one thing you want to do before you die?: before i "die"? i want edward to do me, of course.

do you want to get married?: that's a very complicated question. not at this age, but i won't technically get any older anyway, and i want that task above to be completed. heheheheheh.

have kids?: my eggs will be stone, silly.

do you believe in abortion?: no. if you kill babies, who knows what kind of a person you're killing? i can't imagine if edward's mother had gotten an abortion! :o

do you go to church?: not really, no. my mother went through this phase where she liked to go, but that subsided.

do you get in fights over things that don't really matter?: no, i like to avoid fights at all costs... unless they involve my current virgin or breathing state.

name 3 things you did today?: went shopping with alice & butts and stuff, asked edward once more to change me into a vampire, since it's become a bit of a morning routine, and convinced my dad not to shoot my fiancee. it was a pretty fun day.

do you flirt with the opposite sex too much?: i don't know how! :)

* * *

Bella is about to post it when Edward appears behind her and reads it before she even realizes he's there. He shakes his head in dismay and chuckles, kisses her on the top of the head, and walks away.

She hits "post" and goes to get a Pop-Tart.


	2. Edward

**The survey strikes back!**

"Edward!" Bella called. He appeared by her side in an instant. "I want you to take a survey too!"

"Bella, are you serious?"

She nodded vigorously. "Of course I'm serious. I kid not."

He sighed. "Alright…"

"Yay! I'm gonna go get some cereal."

He entered the subject in the subject field and proceeded to take the survey Bella had already prepared.

* * *

We'll take the elevator down and thought your flesh is unaffected

* * *

**You'll tell me just how scared you are to watch the others burn.**

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth? So help me God.

Where were you last night? In Bella's room. Where else?

What is today's date? I don't keep track anymore.

Who was the last person to call you baby/babe? Bella has more tact than that, thank you.

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self-checkout? What could I possible need there?

Anyone crushing on you? Mike Newton, but we don't need to worry Bella with that...

What is your relationship status? Engaged.

Has anyone ever sung to you? I was this close in that new one-shot "Saved By The Bell" –wink, wink-.

Has anyone ever given you roses? No, but I've given them.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Of course.

Who do you text the most? I don't.

How do you make your money? It's pretty easy when you have a psychic in the house that can see lottery numbers and predict stocks.

What is your favorite color? Sapphire blue.

What color are your eyes? Topaz.

What is a compliment you receive often? Bella likes to throw them around a lot. I'm not sure which she uses most often, though. People are always saying stuff like "check that one out" in their minds, though...does that count?

How tall are you? Very.

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Bella, about five seconds ago.

Do you like your parents? Obviously.

Do you secretly like someone? It's no secret.

Why did your last relationship end? It didn't...

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? WHO ELSE?

Where is the furthest place you've traveled? Around the world..?

Which do you prefer: to eat or sleep? I don't like this question...

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I wouldn't really know.

How long does it take you to shower? I don't do that very often. But everything is done at vampire-speed, usually.

Can you do splits? Well, yeah, I can do anything.

Can you speak any other language than English? All of them.

What is the last letter of your middle name? "Y".

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Goodness.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? That's hardly necessary.

Are you scared of flying? I'm not scared of anything!

What do you sleep in? What is with these incessant questions? I do not sleep.

Who was the last person you kissed? Bella. (:

Do you like funny people or serious people? I don't like people who are one or the other. A mixture would be nice. **(a/n: I'm actually not sure, lol) **

What are you listening to? Debussy.

What do you have planned for tonight? I'm probably just gonna tell some wolves off and stuff.

Is the last person you kissed older than you? Not even close.

Do you have a favorite item of clothing? No, not really.

Last thing you ate? A mountain lion.

What was last thing you drank? A mountain lion.

Are you happy right now? Exceptionally.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? A normal life for Bella.

Who makes you happiest right now? Isabella Marie Swan. Stop asking.

What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching my Bella sleep.

Are you left-handed? No.

What is the last thing you thought about? Bella.sigh

When is your birthday? June 20th.

Do you want to get married & have children one day? That's out of my reach, unfortunately.

He hit "post" and went to the kitchen to assist Bella in pouring the milk. He was done before she even got her Cap'n Crunch out, of course.

"You're done already?" she asked. "You're so hardcore!" She snorted.

"Do you need some help, love?"

She rolled her eyes. "I think I can handle it."

She opened the cap on the milk but dropped the entire bottle. "Whoops," she observed. Then shrugged. "Butter fingers."

**I know some is OOC, but he's taking a survey on myspace, for godsake. It's bound to be.**

**Review please. (:**


	3. Alice

**Disclaimer: I didn't even make the survey, okay?**

"ALICE!" Edward called.

"Yes?"

"You should take a survey, too. It's fun." He smiled.

Is he serious? "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Okay!"

I sat at the computer and opened one. Time for some fun...

* * *

Subj: lalalalalalala

* * *

What is the single largest item in your house? Either Edward's head or Emmett.

How well can you write your name with your non-dominant hand? I can do anything, for I am Alice Cullen!

What is your earliest memory? Sigh Waking up in a pitch-black room with no recollection of where or who I was.

Have you ever jumped off of a high dive? Yes.

Do you take vitamins? Ha!

Do you have your own radio? Yes, I believe we own one.

Where would you hate to have to work? I don't work. Scoff

Who is on your speed dial? My family.

Do you prefer light bulbs or candles? Both.

How much money did you spend today? Don't even ask.

What are you sitting on right now? Emmett.

Do you look at yourself when you pass by reflective surfaces? It's hard not to.

Would you ever get plastic surgery? Hahah, I'd have to go to a sculpture artist!

Did you play with shaving cream when you were a kid? There was no such thing.

How big is your bed? Big enough...

Have you ever seen a volcano? Of course.

What is the best Halloween costume you have ever worn? Don't even get me started! Could have been Tinkerbell, or the time we all dressed up as vampires. That was a blast.

What kind of soap do you use? I smell better than soap! Please.

Can you snowboard? Naturally.

What is the biggest amount of money you have ever had at one time? Uh...a lot.

Do you understand how telephones work? Smacks self in forehead

Do you write notes on your body? Nah, I remember most things.

What is the prominent color in your closet? ALL SORTS! I love my closet...

What is sitting next to you right now? Emmett is under me, as previously mentioned. (He lost the bet).

Do you believe in lots of conspiracies? You don't know the half of it.

Do you own any really old video game systems? We own it all.

Are you good at baking? Yuck. Like, I probably could be, but what's the point?

Have you ever made your own clothing? Mhm.

How many doors does your house have? Lots...

Do you sneak into movie theatres? No need to.

Are you a really fast texter? OBVIOUSLY.

Do you have anything you keep on you 24/7? My credit card.

Do you usually write in print or in cursive? Calligraphy.

What was your first job? Oy.

What print is on your plates or cups in your kitchen? I haven't looked at them in ages.

Have you ever made a mixed CD for someone? Yes, I have.

What do you want to buy from an infomercial? EVERYTHING.

Do you believe that animals have souls? Yes.

What word/phrase do you find really annoying? "Are you really going to buy that?" YES.

Do you have a lava lamp or a black light? Probably.

Do you find yourself not having enough electrical outlets? Yes, it's such a bother.

What is the longest you can wait patiently? Not very long, to tell you the truth.

Have you ever been under anesthesia? No.

Are your fingernails long or short? Short. There really isn't much room for them to grow, hahah.

Are you afraid of bright colors? I FEAR NOTHING!

Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? No.

Can you tell people honest things to their face? Yep.

Would you rather eat grits or oatmeal? Er...neither.

Do you own a kite? Most likely, yes.

What do you think of clothing for pets? Pretty stupid.

Do you tend to want things you cannot have? No, not really.

Is it true that you can be anything you want to be? It is.

Would you ever dye your hair purple? Maybe.

Who do you think should play you in a movie? Ashley Greene has nothing on me!

Would you ever kill someone? That's a complicated question...

Do you dot your i's and cross your t's? Yes, I do.

Are you double jointed in any way? I'm triple jointed in every way, thank you.

What kind of super power do you wish you had? I think seeing the future would be awesome. Heeheeh...

Are you easily offended? When Bella refuses to go stopping with me.

Did the movie Jaws ever scare you? Please. You should see _our_ jaws.

Have you ever cried to get away with something? Wish I could've.

Do you lack common sense sometimes? Probably.

What is your favorite art form? Shopping.

Do you want to be bilingual? I'm multilingual.

How many times a day do you look at the clock? Time is stupid.

Do you like to organize things? YES.

Are you going to have smile lines or frown lines when you're older? I won't have any at all.

How good are you at keeping secrets? It depends if Edward's around or not. It's harder when he is.

What stupid little thing really stresses you out? Werewolves.

Can you remember what you wore yesterday? Of course.

She stood up and walked away. Then Emmett got up off the floor and sat at the computer, on a chair. He grinned and rubbed his hands together mischievously...

**I had to guess on a lot, obviously, since I can't go up to Stephenie Meyer and ask her.**

**So, yeah. (:**

**rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.**


	4. Emmett

**Disclaimer: I think I still do this mostly to have something to write here...**

Alas! It was time for Emmett Cullen to speak his mind on the interweb. He pulled up a survey that he felt suited him and pasted into a blank bulletin; on Alice's username, of course.

* * *

SUB: LALALALALA

* * *

1. Who has seen you in your underwear lately? rosalie.

2. Is it awkward when you run into your exes? i have none...

3. Have you kissed someone this past week? yes, I have.

4. When did you last talk to your brother or sister? edward just walked by and called me an idiot.

5. What did you do the last time you were home alone? I DIDN'T BLOW ANYTHING UP I SWEAR.

6. Do you ever wanna know who you are going to marry? i'm married, silly.

7. Have you ever watched the Real World? YES. They try to tell me that I'm addicted, but I'd like to watch them try watching that show without getting hooked.

8. How much cash do you have on you? couple of thousands.

9. Who are the 3rd and 7th texts in your phone? i don't text. i prefer to boom throughout the household.

10. Are you tanned? hahah, on the contrairy.

11. Are you upset with anyone? nah. i'm pretty chill.

12. Do you talk to the person you have a thing for? wtf? stupid question.

13. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? we don't DO that.

14. Did you get any compliments today? probably.

15. Have you ever gone to court? nah.

16. Are you friends with your neighbors? we don't have any in a close proximity.

17. Have you ever punched a guy? of course.

18. Do you get jealous easily? possibly...

19. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? mhm.

20. Egged someones house? heeheeh! Don't tell Mike!

21. Have you ever had a crush on your brother or sisters friends? ew. my options are, like, bella, tanya, and aro...oh, AND I'M MARRIED.

22. Have you ever gone to the beach? i've been everywhere.

23. What are you listening to? edward and bella arguing about "mortality". –rolls eyes-

24. Do you remember your music teachers name from elementry school? ...

25. How good is your eyesight? terrific.

26. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? been there, done that.

27. Have you ever been out of your country? I've been everywhere.

28. Would your parents be mad if you got suspended for fighting? please, i'm a college man. again.

29. Do you have a Honda, Toyota or Nissan? WRANGLER.

30. What time did you wake up this morning? -sigh-

31. What are you doing saturday? killin' some bears.

32. What is in your back pocket? nothing.

33. What were you doing at 3am this morning? rosalie...:D

34. What do you usually do first in the morning? make fun of bella.

35. Who is your favorite band? the author doesn't really know.

36. Made out for more than 3 minutes? um, yeah.

37. Slept in a different bed? i don't sleep...

38. Made out in a cinema? yes.

39. Made out with 2 different people in one night? no, my _wife_ wouldn't have it.

40. Thought your cousin was hot? who?

41. Been in love? am.

42. Slept in past noon? FJDFJSDLFK.

43. Gone over the speed limit? psh.

44. What color is your room? -stuck in a rut- -again-

45. Drove a van? ick.

46. Last time you went to a party? graduation.

47. Gotten a hickey? if that were possible, then yes, i would have.

48. Been to China? of course.

49. Gotten in a car with people you just met? why would i do that? we've got plenty of cars.

50. Been in a fist fight? heheh.

51. Snuck out of your house? i don't need to!

52. Had feelings for someone who did not have them back? nope. i'm quite the charmer.

53. Had sex at school? probably, at one point or another.

54. Made out with a stranger? nah.

55. Ditched school to do something more fun? all the time.

He posted it and walked away inconspicuously. No one has to know.

**I wasn't sure about the answers a couple of times,**

**so I made it painfully obvious. :D**

**Review!**


	5. Jasper

**This one may be a bit out of character on some questions. Just sayin'. **

Jasper walks over to the computer and begins to take a survey, too. There's already one ready to be taken. Oh, Alice.

* * *

Subj: I'm too cool for this.

* * *

What are you about to do? Answer this question.

Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't? Oh, don't even GO there. (I WISH THIS WERE EDWARD'S SURVEY! ):

If you could be a superhero what would you want to do? Not smell human blood?

Your name plus "ness"? JAZZYNESS.

Three feelings at the moment? Er...well, Emmett and Rosalie have got lust covered, Alice perkiness, and Edward adoration...does that count?

Done anything you regret so far in life? Oh, yes.

Are you listening to anything? No.

What are you scared of? Um, nothing.

Are you thinking of someone right now? Alice.

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? I'm not really sure...

Have you changed much this year? Not really. Sort of. Eh.

Where was the last place you went besides where you are? Like I said, we just got back from a hunting trip.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? I AM a celebrity!

Do you speak any other language? Mhm.

Do you dress for style or comfort? Both.

Ever had a drunken night in Mexico? Alcohol doesn't affect me. Not that I'd drink it. Ew.

Favorite color(s)? Er...

What are you looking forward to this summer? For Bella to not be edible anymore.

Last time you smiled? Today.

If you could choose any fate what would you choose? Fate? Whatever. It's not like I got to choose mine anyway.

If you could have anything in the world, what would you want? Mortality, maybe.

He posts it and gets another one for someone else to do. He likes this game…

**Of course, I wasn't sure about some. I am not Jasper Hale.**

**Rosalie's up next! (:**


	6. Rosalie

Rosalie walked over to the computer to do some online shopping when she saw some sort of questionnaire sitting on the screen. Her eyes darted about to make sure no one was looking and she began to fill it out.

* * *

Subj: I'm to sexy for this.

* * *

First off, what's your name? Rosalie Hale.

How old? 93.

Where from? Technically, Rochester, NY.

Who's the lucky someone? Emmett.

Who's the bff? Alice, I guess.

Who's the hero? Carlisle, maybe, since he "saved" me in the first place.

What's the eye color? Gold/topaz.

What's the hair color? Blonde.

How many times have you been in love? Twice…

Do you plan on having sex before marriage? I've been married, like, eight times already. (To the same person).

Do you drink? -rolls eyes-

Do you smoke? Hell, no.

Would you call yourself confident? Yes, I think I've proven my point on that front.

Have you ever given into peer pressure? Probably.

Watermelon or Cantaloupe? Ew.

In middle school were you the "popular one"? I have always been the popular one, no quotes necessary.

What is your future dream job? I'm not going to _work_.

Have you taken any steps to achieve that yet? I have.

What exact time and date were you born at? I'm not sure.

Name one comedy show we'd find you laughing at: No.

What is your favorite thing to eat with a cup of coffee? UGH.

What brand does your wardrobe mostly consist of? All the expensive and respectable ones.

Do you have all your teeth? Of course.

How is your eyesight? Perfect.

Any glasses or contacts? Never!

What was the last song you listened to? I don't know.

Who was the last person you talked to? Edward just warned me, once again, to be nice to his precious Bella.

Who was the last person you had a phone conversation with? Phone conversations are a bad idea. I should know.

What was the last thing you ate? Some poor, defenseless creature. –licks lips-

What was the last thing you drank? Said creature's blood.

When was your last shower? I don't really have any need to shower very often.

When was the last time you stopped to exercise? HA.

After this, what will you be doing? …some things.

She submitted it and shut off the computer screen. "Hey, Emmett!" she said seductively, running up the steps at top speed.

**This was fun. Rosalie's an awesome character to write for. :D**

**So, who does everyone wanna see spill their guts next?**

**Carlisle? Perhaps...MIKE NEWTON? **

**No. I'll save that for last.  
**

**Carlisle or Esme? (:**


	7. Carlizzle

**Carlisle Time! But please be forwarned: many of these are OOC. Like, the first four. and then some. others. and...stuff. mmmmkay, happy reading!**

Alice creeped out from the kitchen and ninja'd to the computer. She found a ridiculous survey and put into an empty bulletin. Her sources told her that Carlisle would see this...

Carlisle approached the computer and sat down. He was only going to play a little tetris, then go back to being God, when he saw a series of questions just dying to be answered...DUMDUMDUMMMM.

* * *

Subj: I'm not sure what I should put here...

* * *

Name a celebrity you think is a bad actor? Miley Cyrus!

Are you fan of Brittany Spears? Not anymore…

What song is stuck in your head right now? I don't have one.

Do you like the outfits the Pussycat Dolls wear? Well, it might be awkward if I were to wear them…

Do you believe in ghosts? That's a complicated question.

Which is better, McDonalds or Wendy's? I don't know, let me ask Bella.

If you could go to any concert in the world, who's would it be? Don't tell anyone, but probably the Jonas Brothers.

Are you addicted to anything? Saving people?

When is the last time you pooped? Over a hundred years ago. What kind of a question is that?

Do you think golf is a real sport? I don't even know.

Would ever do online dating? Of course not. I have Esme.

Have you ever prank called someone? No.

Do you play the Sims? Nah.

Have you ever watched What About Bob? What's that?

What is your pet peeve? Non-vegetarian vampires.

Are you afraid of any insects? No.

How many siblings do you have? I don't.

What chore do you absolutely hate? I don't really do chores.

Do you run fast? That's quite the understatement.

What is the greatest thing you ever done? Building up an immunity to human blood.

Would you take a vacation to Egypt? I have.

How many times do you say the word dude in one day? None at all.

Are you annoying to anyone? I hope not.

Are you single? No.

Are you a tree hugger? No, not really.

What is your best friend's middle name? I'm not sure, lemme check the Lexicon…

Can you lick your elbow? Probably, yes.

Are you flexible? Aren't we all?

Have you ever been naked in public? No!

What's your favorite sport? Baseball.

When was the last time you kissed someone? Today.

What's the worst punishment? Keeping me away from the hospital.

What is something that you want but you can't have? A soul. Wait…or do I believe that we do have souls? I'm gettin' all mixed up!

Can you cook? I could try.

What is your dream job? A successful doctor. Oh, wait…

Are you bipolar? No.

Why did you last go to the doctor's office? To _work_.

Who do you know that has the craziest family? Aro Volturi…Either him, or us.

He finished and backed away slowly. Some of those made him rather uncomfortable...

**So...what'd you guys think?**

**&I think Esme's next, which might be REALLY hard to do in character**

**so her survey might just be completely out there**

**to make it interesting. (:**

**thanks for readin'. review? :D**


	8. Esme

"Esme!" Bella exclaimed, walking towards her from the other room.

"Yes, darling?" Esme answered warmly.

Bella pouted. "I'm _so_ hungry. Could you order me a pizza? You could even do it online!"

"Of course," she replied affectionately. "Anything. What kind would you like?"

"Any, really. Thanks!" And with that, she skipped off to Edward.

Esme walked over to the computer to go on a pizzeria's website when she saw something on the screen. _Survey...? _she thought.

* * *

Subj: Mamma Mia!

* * *

**Here I go again!**

1. If your doctor said you were pregnant, what would you do? Laugh.

2. Do you trust all of your friends? I don't have many friends, so much as family.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love? He's stuck with me. They all are…

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

5. Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship? Human, non-Carlisle.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? –snickers-

7. When was the last time you snuck out? I ran away from my husband to take care of my child back when I was a human...I think that's about it.

8. Are you afraid of falling in love? I'm in it…

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Yes.

10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person? What a silly, adolescent question.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane? I'm not sure.

12. What did the last text message you sent say? "But what about the antelopes?"

13. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex? Carlizzle!

14. Fill in the blank: I like… Being a mama!

15. What are your goals in life? Stay inconspicuous to the human race?

16. Would you ever adopt a foreign baby? –sigh- I wish.

17. When you get married, how would you envision your dream wedding? I'm married already.

18. If you could say just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? "I love you" (:

19. If you won the lottery- who would you call 1st? Alice would call _me_ first…

20. How many kids do you want to have? I've already got six.

21. Would you make a good parent? I DO.

22. Where was your default pic taken? Wal-Mart. :D

23. What is your middle name? Anne.

24. Team Aniston or Jolis? Jen all the way!

25. What are your plans for the weekend? I'm going to learn to bake muffins and make Bella try them!

26. What was the last TV show you watched? I don't like television.

27. Honestly, what's on your mind right now? My husband.

28. Are you musical? Yes…I suppose we're _everything_.

29. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change? Nothing. Who knows what else would be changed because of that?

30. Shoe size: The Lexicon won't tell me.

31. What are you wearing right now? Some clothes.

32. Righty or lefty: Ambidextrous.

33. Can you make a dollar in change right now: Yes.

34. Best place to go for a date: Anywhere, as long as you're with the person you love.

35. Did you have sex today? Well, I…I'd rather not say.

36. Favorite jeans: The ones I'm wearing now.

37. Favorite animal: Er…turtle! (?)

38. Favorite month: I don't discriminate.

39. Favorite juice: Ick.

40. Have you had the chicken pox? I suppose, but I don't really know for sure.

41. Have you had a sore throat? Not since my change, obviously.

42. Have you had plastic surgery? No.

43. Who knows you the best? Carlisle.

44. Do you get along with your family? Yes.

45. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? Of course not.

46. Ever been in a fight with your pet? …What? I don't have one, but still.

47. Been to Mexico? Yes.

48. Do you miss someone today? Every day.

49. Did you buy something today? New curtains!

50. Did you get sick today? –Scoff- No.

51. Did you get in a fight with someone today? No, I'm pretty pacifistic.

52. Last person to see you cry? Er…

She deleted the last few questions, for they involved things she didn't want to answer, like "would you ever go cliff-diving?" and submitted the survey. She then proceeded to order Bella the pizza she didn't even want. It was all a trap, of course. Oh, well. Eat that, Swan! Literally...

**I think part of the ending was like, half author's note. Sounded like it. Oh, well. I don't really care. :D **

**Esme wasn't the easiest to do. Review!**


	9. Jacob

**I, personally, don't hate (all of...) Jacob as a character. He just needs to back of Bella. (: **

Jacob sat at the computer in his kitchen to log onto his Myspace account; something he did every day to see if anybody wanted to be friends with him. Besides Bella. His life sucked...

He saw in his bulletin space that Bella had taken a survey some time ago. Too stupid to just take the same one as her, for that would be boring concerning the story, he went and found a new one.

* * *

Subj: I'm so hot.

* * *

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? Embry. He just threw an egg at my head. Which is ironic. Embry…embryo…egg... I'm so hot.

What kind of car do you drive? Rabbit.

Have you ever had a garage sale? I'm too cool for that stuff.

What kind of dog do you have? Well, I'm a russet-furred werewolf, if that counts.

What's for dinner tonight? Everything.

What is the last drink you drank? Root beer.

Last time you were injured? –mumbles- I got beat up by a vampire in battle. But in my defense, I was caught off guard.

How long is your hair? Around chin-length.

Are you happy right now? I'm always happy. I'm Jacob goshdarn Black!

What did you say last? "Currrssseees!" Like MojoJojo.

Who came over last? Embryo.

Do you drink beer? Yeah, I'm an animal! Get it? 'Cause, like…I'm…a wolf… I'm hilarious.

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? YES. God. They were such little bitches.

What is in your pocket? A picture of Bella. I'm obsessed. Sh. Don't tell.

Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? …

Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? Sam.

What DVD is in your DVD player? I have no idea. I don't really have much time for that anymore.

What's something fun you did today? Taunted a leech.

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? Edward Cullen. Hahaha! I'm so hot.

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? I have no idea.

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? Nah.

What are you going to do after this? Beat up my egg loving friend.

What is something you need to go shopping for? Food.

Do you like pickles? Yes.

How about olives? They're edible, aren't they?

What is your favorite kind of gum? Uh…juicy fruit.

Do you have any tan lines? Hell no! I'm all natural, baby.

Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? No.

When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout? Hah. No.

Has anyone ever sang to you? Nope.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Of course.

What color are your eyes? Brown.

What is a compliment you receive way too often? How damn good looking I am. –pops collar- yes, I know. I'm so hot.

How tall are you? 6'7"

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? I'm unloved.

Do you like your parents? Well, my mom's dead, and dad's an old fart. Just kidding. He's cool.

Why did your last relationship end? Was it even one...?

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Both are so great.

How long does it take you to shower? Not very.

Can you do splits? Ouch.

Can you use the grill? Yep. I'm so hot.

Are you flexible? Yeah.

What movie do you want to see? The Twilight movie. It looks horrific! **(A/N: ROBERT PATTINSON IS...horrific.)**

What is the last letter of your middle name? I don't seem to have one…

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Plenty.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? –Scoff-

Are you scared of flying? I am fearless!

What do you sleep in? Some pants.

Do you have any tattoos? No.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I've been to Port Angeles…

Do you like chocolate? Yum.

Are you easy to get along with? Hell yes. I'm so hot.

Any up coming events you're excited about? Not at all. I'm dreading every minute of every important upcoming event.

He posted the damn thing and then proceeded to throw a jar of peanut butter at Embry's head. He retaliated by spraying Jacob with whipped cream. Seeing each other covered in food caused the two to imprint impossibly on each other. Just kidding. But that would cause some serious controversy among the wolves...

**Yay! 1) I was originally gonna have him sneak into the Cullen house and take it there, but then I had Embry throw the egg, and it all went downhill from there.**

**2) The "I'm so hot" thing was completely on purpose. It's supposed to emphasize Jake's huge head. :D  
**

**3) I just realized that this is the second time I've made Jacob imprint on Embry... "Mike Newton Shenanigans", anybody?**

**4) I'm done now. Please review! As much as I dislike Jacob stuff, this was probably one of my favorites of the bunch. (:**


	10. Angela

**Disclaimer: FWWWWAAASSSSHHHHHOOOOO!**

Angela was sitting at home one Friday night, waiting for Ben to come pick her up for their date. All of a sudden, she heard a hissing "PSST" coming from her window. Her heart jumped and she turned to identify the sound. There was Bella, holding herself up by her arms on Angela's windowsill. She seemed to be struggling holding herself up, and Angela went to help her inside.

"No, no, I'm fine," Bella said.

"You're...hanging on the side of my house, Bella. What the hell?"

"It's okay, Edward's down there to catch me!" she exclaimed brightly. Sure enough, Edward was standing under Bella on the ground, a look of worry plastered on his face. "He's such a grandma, he never has any fun," she said.

"Bella, would you care to explain?" Angela prodded.

"Yes. I would, thank you. You need to--" Just then she began to fall. Edward perched himself, ready to catch her.

"TAKE A SURVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" she shouted, the sound growing more and more distant as she reached Edward's awaiting arms. Angela heard a small "oof" before frantically going to her computer. She had no idea what possessed Bella to do such a ridiculous thing, but she decided that she might as well fulfill her friend's wish.

* * *

Subj: A Survey.

* * *

Who was the last person or object you shared beds with? …My Fluffykinz. He's the best stuffed bear a girl could ask for.

What was your last fight about and with who? About ten minutes ago, I was trying to get Ben to see a…_good_ movie with me. He wouldn't budge…

Do you consider yourself a neat freak? Oh, yes.

Do you have anyone's clothes? Yeah, Lauren left her hideous scarf here the other night.

What's your relationship with the person you last texted? My grandpa's hip with the latest technology.

Do you have a fish tank? No. I had a fish when I was seven, but he died because I fed it too much, and I've been scarred ever since.

Last place you took a plane to? Uh…Florida…? **(I have no freakin' clue.)**

Would you tell a stranger if they had spinach in their teeth? That stranger could be anybody—a serial killer, or a…_clown_. –shudder- I'd rather not approach them.

If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt? Yes.

What is your preferred method of birth control? Um…I'll just…I'm gonna go…er…

Have you ever lied about your age? Nope.

Ever had an encounter with the police? Yes, but it wasn't anything major.

Last time you went out of town? Last week with Jessica. We went to Port Angeles to catch a movie.

Whose car were you in last? Jessica's.

Who do you most look like in your family? My mom, probably.

Have you kissed someone with braces? Yes, and let me tell you, it's not pleasant.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong? Not really. I'm pretty chill.

Do you like to travel by plane? It depends on where I'm going.

Did you get enough sleep last night? Yep.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom? I have…

Has anyone ever hung up on you? At one point or another, probably.

Looking forward to something this weekend? Not really.

Has anyone smoked in your car? I'M A HEAVY SMOKER BECAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THESE PRESSURES OF LIFE. Er…sorry.

Do you have any bruises? Yes.

Do you find piercings attractive? It depends where they are!

Who was the last person you sat next to? My boyfriend. :)

What is the worst subject they teach at school? THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN' LOAD OF THEM! …Trig?

If you had 100 dollars to spend on clothes, where would you go to shop? The mall, I guess. I'm not a very heavy shopper.

Do long distance relationships work? I don't think I would be able to do it, personally…

How do you earn money? I don't know, where _does _Angela work? Does she? I mean…Where…_do_ I... work? -Ahem-

Where were you raised? Forks, Washington.

What is on your bed right now? MR. FLUFFYKINZ.

Do you name your stuffed animals? …No!...

What's the last sporting event you watched? Ick.

Your parents tell you they're moving to Mexico: That's really, really weird. But I'm going to college anyway, so hey. What the hell.

Do you think you are an argumentative person? Not at all. Don't question me.

Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? I'm allergic to dogs.

What jewelry do you wear all the time? My friendship bracelet.

Have you ever had a difficult relationship? I'm IN one. The difficulty comes in when we have to choose what to do on our dates…

Ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? WHAT? NO! WHO…WHO TOLD YOU…THAT…?! Pfft. Er.

Are your ears gauged? Ew, no.

How did you feel when you woke up today? Refreshed. (:

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? A store…

What do you usually do first in the morning? Get out of bed. Hahahahaha I'm a sly one.

What are you doing tonight? Going to see a horrific kung-fu movie. Save me…

She posted the mandatory series of questions just as Ben rang the doorbell. She grabbed her bag and walked out the door, but not before giving Mr. Fluffykinz a goodbye kiss.

**ONE) this was insanely out of character. Some of them, anyway. My reasoning behind this was that we don't know a lot about Angela's character, so I had to make it interesting somehow, hense the random burstouts. **

**The point of that was to make it like, she can't be perfect all the time. Mental breakdown! :o**

**Anyways, I made up a lot of the answers, OBVIOUSLY. So yeah. This was actually fun. (: Especially the way I made her "decide" to take it. XD  
**

**Review? -makes irresistibly cute pouty face-**

**Yeah, and BY THE WAY:**

**Go read passionate009's story "A Love That Was Fought For".**

**It really is a great story. I should know, I'm the beta. (:**

**But really, I'm not biased or anything. Here's the summary: **

**Bella and Edward live in two separate worlds, she's the daughter of the King's guard and he is a vampire living in the shadows of her kingdom. He watches her everyday but she doesn't know he exists, will Edward get the chance to live happily ever after?**

**Check it out, it's real cute, and doesn't have nearly as many reviews as it should. :D**

**BYE!**


	11. Mike Newton

**warninggggg.**

**Breaking Dawn spoiler alert! **

**And some language. (:**

Mike Newton was in a very daring mood this particular day. He had tried a new cereal, and wore two different socks. These were all signs; it was time.

He put on a tight black body suit and hunted down his mother's panty-hose. He would need to be disguised.

Opening the front door and prowling into the night was proven to be very easy. It was finding his destination that was difficult.

Eventually, he found his way, riding a disgruntled zebra through the woods.

Just kidding.

But let's just pretend Mike has enough mental capacity to find the Cullen mansion.

That's right. He's daring.

Not knowing that everyone in the house, besides Bella, had supersonic bat hearing, he went for the door at the glass wall of the house. (Is there one?)

Meanwhile, inside the house, the vampires were all snickering violently. Emmett offered to go greet the human boy, but Alice said that if they let him pretend he was succeeding, it would be worth it in the end.

They positioned themselves at the top of the stairs silently, Mike not being smart enough to check his surroundings.

Alice was holding a video camera and Bella a mango. It was delicious.

Mike shimmied gracelessly toward the computer and turned it on. It made a loud noise, so Bella threw her mango at his head. The vampires all swiftly moved out of Mike's field of vision, Edward pulling Bella with them.

He glanced around frantically, then opened myspace. He pulled up a survey, beaming the entire time at how brilliant he was.

* * *

Subj: I AM GOD.

* * *

If you got trapped in an elevator with someone, who would you want it to be? Isabella Swan, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, and Channing Tatum.

What is your favourite cereal? Trix are for kids.™

Do you own any cowboy boots? What else would I own?

What is something you would never do in public? There really isn't anything. I've been fully engulfed in jello, I have fucked a cat, and I have confessed my undying love for a now married man.

Have you ever had really strange dreams? …Yes.

Name 5 of your Best Friends: Friends are for squa-yers.

What's your earliest memory? Being the advanced little bitch that I am, it was kicking my mother in the womb.

Have you ever broken a bone before, and if so, how? …Promise not to laugh?

-No.

-So I fell in the shower once. And broke my butt…

-…The author really needs to be more original.

-She's having a rough day.

Have you ever stepped in dog poo? Jake let his instincts get the best of him that time.

Ever bitten your toenails? No…

Who is your all time hero? Jesus.

Who or what did you pretend to be as a child in your fantasies? An exotic dancer.

Do you have any pets? Not any full-time ones.

What colors do you think mix well? Topaz and bronze. Rawr.

What did you eat recently? I am a bonana!

If you were, or are, still a Virgin and could give it away to someone, who would it be if it could be anybody? Are foursomes allowed?

What's your favorite movie? Dracula!

Do you paint your toenails? SH.

Is your computer a fast and awesome computer? It is. Like me. Except…I'm not a computer. Or fast. Or awesome, really. That doesn't affect it, though.

If one of your long lost exes called you and asked for you back, would you take them back? I don't have any. (:

Do you dance like Mariah Carey? Bitch please. I can dance her off the stage.

Do you sing like Aretha Franklin? Mmmmmmmhm.

What's your favorite instrument? Banjo.

What is a country you want to visit badly before you die? Russia. It's where the party's at.

What things in history amuse you the most? My friend Kyle just told me that a few hundred years ago in England the penalty for attempting suicide was death. –Snort-

Have you ever eaten lipstick? One freakin' time.

Snow, hail, wind, or rain? Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Have you ever been unconscious? Yeah, a meteor fell out of the sky and hit me. Cullen needs to watch what he says. Things get directed to the wrong people.

Do you know how to swim? Yes sir.

Have you ever licked a window before? I thought maybe it was like the kind on movie sets…you know, the ones that are made of sugar?

If someone dared you to run across a busy street for 1 thousand dollars, would you? Depends on who it was. Eric Yorke is a lying bastard, so if it was him, I wouldn't.

Would you kill someone for 9 million dollars? If I got to dress up like a Jedi while doing it, then yeah.

Who is your worst enemy right now and why? Mr. Banner. He tried to pinch my butt, so then I reported him to the principal, and he threatened to kill me. It was funny.

Have you ever been in a psychical fight with anyone before? Yeah, I'm pretty hardcore.

What is the oldest game system you own? My deck of cards. OH!

What brand of cell phone do you have and what service provider? Samsung, Jack & Erma's Magic Phones.

Do you wear slippers or socks? My feet go au naturale. Oh, yeah.

What is the strangest pet you've ever owned? A lime. He was very unfriendly.

Do you love life or hate it? We're seeing other people.

Who is the hottest person in the entire universe in your opinion? Eddy-kinz.

What do you do every night before bed? Wash my feet. It's a ritual.

"NOW!" Alice screamed unnecessarily.

Mike's head shot up and the entire Cullen family was now stalking towards him looking particularly vicious.

He let out a blood-curdling shriek and they all stopped.

The sound was like an eight-year-old girl, mixed with a cat being tortured horrendously, with a dash of Victoria-being-ripped-to-shreds.

He ran full-speed, for a human, out the door he came from and fumbled with the doorknob.

The vampires simply stood there, staring intently at him and muffling their laughter.

Edward was staring him down with as much intensity as possible. He'd read the second-to-last question. Oh, yeah.

Mike ran out, speeding toward an unsuspecting tree.

Bella grimaced, then commenced the laughter. She was doubled over in Edward's arms; he was holding her, for she fell and hit her head when he let her stand.

Jasper walked over to the computer and read the survey to the rest of the family at vampire speed. Bella glared.

Bella read it slowly as everyone else laughed musically.

"I told you!" she shrieked to Edward once she was finished.

"Told me what?"

"Mike Newton was brought to the yard by your milkshake."

Edward waited patiently for what he was sure was to come.

"Hey, now I want a milkshake..." she added.

Ding.

He picked her up and ran her to the Volvo, driving her to the nearest Dairy Queen.

**This was loooooooong, man.**

**So, to start; this will most likely be the final installment. I like the number 11. :D**

**My friend Jenny suggested the "fuck a cat" thing,**

**"I am a bonana" was this youtube video that I'm too lazy to look for,**

**Mike knows so much of Jake because Jacob imprinted on him in one of my stories, Mike Newton Shenanigans, even though he imprinted on Embry here. That's okay.**

**Russia is where the party's at. My friend claims that the country stalks her...and I happen to be Russian.**

**The "My friend Kyle" thing is real. I asked him what's a funny thing that happened in history and that's what he said.**

**I really don't know why he decided to go to the Cullen house. This is just how I envisioned it happening.**

**And finally, Jack & Erma's magic phones is this comedian Mike Birbiglia.**

**He goes "there are only like three cell phone companies, so they can charge you whatever they want" (he said it funnier and with some other jokes in there) "there's no Jack & Erma's magic phones"**

**I'm gonna leave you to your lives.**

**Review, or whatever.  
**

**(:**

**&**

**Thanks for reading the story! I may possibly add another chapter if I get bored one day, but for now, this shall remain completed. I LOVE YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING! I never thought I'd get more than, like...five, lol. **

**Kay. Bye!  
**


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